What do you value in this area?

I'll think about it and write something later since it's much too late in the day for me to still be wearing pajamas. I have some snow trampling to do

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One that lasts.

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Great and timely question!

I'd say the most important qualities that come to mind are: trust, respect, friendship and honesty*. I see these as being like the foundation stones of a relationship; pull one of them out and you risk the possibility that the whole lot may topple over.

*I put an asterisk after honesty because I think it needs a footnote or two. By honesty I don't mean gratuitous blabbing of the stream of consciousness that is on your mind - for example, if you are feeling irritated and you say 'I hate the way you hold your spoon', I don't think this is a constructive channelling of honesty. So, I would qualify this by describing it as honesty which is tempered with tact, and employed alongside its cousin, compromise, when it comes to the wise choosing of battles.

If I had to pick one quality above all I'd probably say respect. When respect is in place so much other positive, considerate behaviour naturally follows out of it, but if respect disappears then the relationship is probably going to find itself in serious trouble.

I agree with what Pipster wrote. One thing I always notice about successful relationships is a shared sense of humor. Couples that endure seem to joke with each other a lot more than those that don't. So I would say that, combined with trust, honesty and respect.

^ I agree with both Pipster and Vapor.

For me it's:
- compromise
- commitment
- loyalty
- respect
- trust
- acceptance
- humour
- maturity
- and lots of hugs

They're pretty much all actions and mindsets, rather than character traits. Compatible character traits will help things along, but your actions and mindset will ultimately dictate how good you are to each other, and how good you are together.

I also agree with the above. Friendship is the key part for me since that encompasses many qualities and then with a relationship you get the added bonus of nudity and cuddles (and most likely greater commitment). Looking back I've had the biggest attraction to people who weren't compatable with me, the one's I was so infactuated with that I was too shy to talk to them but there were those people who made me happy as soon as I started talking to them and those were my real friends. Now I think of a relationship as an upgrade of friendship and not something far away in the sky and unreachable.

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^^^YEAH

I think that's why I stayed single for the majority of my life apart from this year. Before, I kept admiring pedestals. Now I have a confident and a kindred soul.

I think comfort is the first thing on the list. No point in any of it if we aren't at the same level with each other. Then a shared humor (I HAVE to be goofy around him...), similar interests, ability to spiritually grow together, and of course-trust and respect!

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“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” Jalal ad-Din Rumi

My spiritual explorations: http://sundrenchedclarity.wordpress.com

i think you need both (admiration and comfort) and i think they go more easily together if you are more self confident to begin with.

otherwise, i would agree almost completely with Io that it tends to be an especially close friendship with sex mixed in for extra fun.

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Isn't it pretty to think so?

I'm not sure if this an indicator but a girl that can beat me in Halo is hawt.

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The world moves on a woman's hips
The world moves and it swivels and bops
The world moves on a woman's hips
The world moves and it bounces and hops
A world of light...shes gonna open our eyes up

-Talking Heads

Ne, Ni, Ti, Se, Fe, Fi, Si, Te

Good point - I find it attractive if a man can beat me at Scrabble, speaks another language better than me (or speaks a language that I don't), or otherwise shows in a demonstrable way that he is more intelligent than me in some area(s).

All the guys I've adored were more intelligent than me in some areas. But what I adore the most in the guy is his compassion and his humility. I think I'm looking for a teacher or a role model. It would be good to be in a relationship where I could come out a better person due to my partner's good influence on me. I guess that's why I like being around INFPs so much. INFPs soften my heart.

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One where you feel safe and loved. Where you can be yourself without feeling attacked, guilty or abused.

One where you complement each other, feel relaxed to be in each others company, enjoy each others closeness and independence. One where you respect each others boundaries and share in each others accomplishments. One where you treat each other as equals and communicate easily without feeling ashamed or nervous by anything you say. One where your spirit feels energised and strengthened by each others support and encouragement. One where you feel happy and secure to achieve your hearts desire, and dream together for your prosperity. One where you trust each other like a natural extension of your other half and appreciate each others beauty in each other. One where you enjoy each others spirituality, intelligence, emotions, sexuality and intimacy, where each discovery is more significant than the last. One where you are free to express your attitudes and affections every way you wanted and know that you are loved for being.

It's odd how the most seductive encounters in my life have been those when men have held me in their arms and kissed my neck as I continue to play a video game

Man, I need to get my hubby to start doing that

Or not

I think my ideal romantic relationship would be one with lots of communication. Not just with conversation, but making time to physically be close and speak with body language as well.

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~I'll think of a witty comment later, or not. Maybe something to do with clouds?!~

That was beautifully well put!

"Every heart sings a song, incomplete, until another heart whispers back." - Plato.
I think this is the gold standard for any sort of relationship (not just romantic ones), you don't necessarily find someone who already knows the rest of your song but maybe you find someone who is singing another one and together you compose a new, more beautiful one. No compromising, no work, no sacrifice, no "respect", just a whole that is more than its parts.

BTW this forum is dying slowly.

If you think a relationship doesn't require any of those things you mentioned, then you're in for a shock.



lol, how so?

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What would the world be, once bereft
Of wet and of wildness? Let them be left,
O let them be left, wildness and wet;
Long live the weeds and the wilderness yet. - Gerard Manley Hopkins

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Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

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You like music, yes? I made some for you.

Last part seem unrealistic

But perhaps I misunderstood you. That we both become a new person in entering a relationship (of any kind) is quite beautiful, and thus we gain more (companionship) then we lose (freedom). More positives then negatives are essential in order for something to work.

Sometimes I try to hard to create a relationship since I like a person, or at least feel sympathy with him/her. But the chemistry is not there. It is alot of hard work, compromise, sacrifice and all that, but it doesn't really work. It is not that rewarding

Other times I just fall into a relationship, there is loads of chemistry and we both feel more at home. With chemistry there is alot more flow in the relationship, I don't have to work against our differences, and it's all a good time




We die so slow we belive we're alive

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Is the cup half-full or half-empty? Neither, the cup is the rightful domain of air,
and water are the imperialistic invader that must be fought by all means neccesary.
Drink it.

I was talking about the ideal relationship. We are idealists, aren't we ? I didn't mean that these things shouldn't be present in a relationship, I meant that in the ideal relationship they wouldn't be needed.