Hi justdave .

Yes, it's strange when you find out that your normal mode of functioning is so different to a lot of people out there! And it's very hurtful to be invalidated for your particular skills when people hold you up to standards that are pretty much irrelevant for you.

I think telling those close to you about your type is a good step towards understanding. Hopefully they will respect your particular point of view a bit more after that.

I can relate to being told I'm "Too _____" (it ranges from too intense or too silly/ditzy or too serious, etc etc--it changes depending on the different standards that people possess and project onto me).

What has helped most of all is adjusting my attitude towards myself... to be okay with being intense, silly/ditzy, serious, etc, and be proud of who I am, as those moments of intensity lead to amazing insights, those silly/ditzy periods lead to levity for all and those serious moments help to calm things down.

However, I also found it helpful to learn to adjust my behaviour and modulate some of my responses so that they were appropriate for particular situations. I guess it's the balance between accepting myself and listening to the elements of feedback that were helpful. For instance, I noticed your comment that you thought of being too serious as a weakness. If you truly feel that you don't want to be so serious, then you can takes steps to be less serious.

If you're tired of the negative comments as well, it may help to respectfully assert their effect on you... My guess is that ultimately, the comments make you feel as if you are not acceptable or 'right' the way you are. Hopefully the INFP and HSP profiles will help them see that you are just being yourself, and that you just naturally have a different set of priorities to them!

Hello justdave

I agree with sciski, and have had similar experiencs to both of you, especially in regard to being told that I am too intense, too deep, too thoughtful etc by other people. I suspect it's very much an INFP thing to have this experience. Statistically there aren't many of us about, so often people haven't come across anybody else quite like us before and therefore jump to the conclusion that we must be weird.

I thought you might like to read David Keirsey's 'Different Drummers' piece from the introduction to his Myers-Briggs 'handbook' (for want of a better word) which is called 'Please Understand Me':



The above comes from here: http://www.keirsey.com/drummers.aspx where you can find this extract as part of a longer piece that you might find useful.

For many INFPs, finding out that they are INFP and that there is nothing wrong with them is something of an epiphany - I know it certainly was for me. Upon discovering my MBTI type I embarked on a quest to find out as much as I could about personality type theory and through this exploration, much of it conducted with the friendly help and input of the lovely people on this website and the now-defunct INFPglobalchatter, I came to understand and accept myself for what I was. So now, when people make comments of the "you're too xxxx" nature, I just laugh them off and reply that no I'm not, I'm just more introverted/more intuitive or observant/someone who feel things more deeply/more laid back than they are. Comments that used to hurt me and make me feel that there was something wrong with me are now like water off a duck's back to me. (Of course part of this is the natural progression that comes with growing up, becoming more assertive and so on, but a big part was learning about type theory.)

Hi justdave636!





But I love how sciski and Pipster responded to you, so I'm just gonna sit here and read...

...and offer you a giant crumb of an INFP-sized cookie that I'm afraid might be "TOO MUCH" for others, but just about right for the likes of us...



Maybe the next time someone says you're much too serious or much too emotionally deep, you can tell that person that it's simply because you just love them "too much."

_________________

[color=#40FF00]Hello:

Thanks for your replies and feedback...It has made me feel better and easier with myself. I noticed the enneagram type on your profiles. I had never heard of or taken an enneagram test before. Took one the other day and have found out alot more about myself. I agree very much with the results I got. Thanks for this, also. Well...I hope all of you have a great and safe holiday weekend. [/color]

Yep have gone through that most of my life. I was told by my NT brother for years that I was too touchy feely for his tastes. Then I realized that he was about as friendly as a stump of a tree. Most of the people that I have been around have always seen me as too passionate for my own good. But then I consider that most people would rather step on each other than care for one another so I figure that I am better off than they are.

The point is that you are always going to be different and there is nothing wrong with it despite the fact of what you may have heard.