self-sympathy, not self-pity

trondor · **Posted:** Mon May 16, 2011 7:12 am

Found an interesting article about self-sympathy, or self-compassion.

http://www.livescience.com/14165-parenting-compassion-life-skills.html

Quote:

What is self-compassion?

"It is not this nimby, bimby stuff," said Paul Gilbert, a researcher at Kingsway Hospital in the United Kingdom. "Compassion is sensitivity to the suffering of self and others and a commitment to do something about it."

Quote:

Decades of research, particularly in the 1970s and '80s, suggested having high self-esteem is the cornerstone of happy, successful lives. This spurred an emphasis on self-esteem-building in parenting books, schools and even prisons.

But now scientists are realizing they may have been measuring the wrong thing; all the benefits of having high self-esteem are equally found among the self-compassionate, said psychologist Mark Leary, a researcher at Duke University. And when statistically looking at self-compassion alone, the negative aspects of high self-esteem, such as narcissism, disappear.

Quote:

Kids who, say, grow up constantly hearing "You are so smart," may start believing "smartness" is part of what makes them lovable. And therefore, anything that does not support this picture of themselves, such as a C on a test, a negative evaluation or a job rejection, causes them to become defensive, anxious or, in some extreme cases, completely fall apart

Rather than continuing to put stock in building self-esteem, psychologists are increasingly finding, as Gilbert put it, "the secret to success is the ability to fail." And this is exactly where self-compassion steps in.

I must say this resonates with me.

People often lash out on self-pity, but self-compassion is something else. It seems to be more a positive attitude towards yourself, that you do not deserve to suffer this way, as do no one else. A humanitarian focus on both your self and others.