As touched on and suggested in another thread - let's talk about bullying in the workplace. Here is what I said over there:

In my previous job, I had a woman boss who was an absolute nightmare to work for. On the surface - and to colleagues who did not work directly with her - she was all lovely and polite and laid back, but to the people working for her she was a micromanaging, nasty, manipulative control freak. Initially I dismissed my instincts about her and told myself that she was just acting in a typical ISxJ way, but with hindsight and some research I later realised that she was actually just a bully.

If anyone is interested in knowing more about bullying at work, I found the following page very useful:

http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/bully.htm

In particular, section 3, "Personal qualities that bullies find irresistible" was a real eye-opener and absolutely screamed INFP. <end quote>

What I found really eye-opening about this experience was (don't laugh if you were already onto this!) the discovery that all sorts of people could be bullies, even seemingly pleasant, well-educated grown women from middle class backgrounds. I suppose I must have thought prior to this that bullying was something that belonged in the playground, when the aggressive stupid kids would pick on the children with glasses/fat kids/poor kids/ginger kids or whatever. Until this happened to me I had not thought about bullying since I last noticed it happening at school when I was about ten.

I don't know much about bullying but my theory is that the bully is insecure and feels jealous because their target has something that they want - popularity, competence, integrity etc. "There are two ways to have the tallest building in town - one way is to build the tallest building yourself, the other way is to knock down all the other buildings that are taller than yours."

Has anybody else encountered bullying (workplace, or otherwise)? What was your experience of it? Do you think that INFPs are more likely to be the target of bullying than other types because bullies covet our good qualities? any other theories?

YES! I've been bullied in every job I've had. In fact, I've only just realised this fact now, looking back on it. Mostly verbal bullying, being insulted/picked on/laughed at/manipulated etc...but in my last job I was sexually harassed by another woman for six months!
In my experience...particularly the sexual harassment...it has a lot to do with control. She seemed to get enjoyment out of manipulating my emotions and actions and I ended up feeling like a puppet on a string. I don't know why they have a desire to have so much control over a person. I guess they have felt out of control in other areas of their life or at times in their past and are somehow trying to make up for that, or avoid it happening again. I don't know about jealousy - it hadn't really occurred to me that anyone would be jealous of me and I hate the thought for some reason. But it does seem like some sort of power struggle. Like a bully expects to be bullied and pushed around unless they gain control first. Observing how other more extroverted people react to bullies, it seems they have a few arguments in the beginning, and then develop a sort of mutual respect for each other (or in some cases they continue to argue). I don't really understand how this mutual respect comes about.
I've also noticed that many bullies have a real hatred of any perceived "weakness". I think they blame their victims for their actions for being "pathetic" and "allowing" themselves to be pushed around. Maybe this is why people who are more argumentative/assertive gain more respect from them. I imagine that bullies fear their own weaknesses, in the same way they fear being overpowered/controlled. They probably hate any signs of "weakness" in themselves, and so hate "weakness"(sensitivity) in other people.

Yes, I think that INFP's are perfect targets for bullies - and I'm having to work really hard at learning to be more assertive and stand up for myself. I'm learning that you can remain sympathetic and compassionate towards people whilst at the same time not allowing them to order you about or manipulate you. it's a difficult balance that I've nowhere near mastered.
INFP's, while being quite unsociable, still seem to want to be liked by people...I'll do anything to avoid conflict, even if that means making sacrifices. I am hyper-sensitive to criticism and will go out of my way to please others or avoid any chance of them being angry at me. Bullies latch on to that because they know we'd rather do what they say than have an argument. Also, we're very empathetic people and are more likely to be understanding of people's negative behaviors, meaning it'll take us longer to complain because we don't want to hurt their feelings.

I also think that if you've been bullied/abused once, it's much more likely to happen to you again - especially as an INFP. All the insults etc just get internalised and we take them all on board. People who are bullied become de-sensitised to that sort of treatment and their self-worth goes down, and they think they deserve to be treated in such a way. Bullies pick up on this really easily and exploit it.

I'm lucky enough never to have been bullied at work (go scientists!), but my INFP friend has. She was harassed by middle aged women at work for the longest time, until eventually they called her into a meeting room and told her why--because she didn't smile enough.

Sometimes I really don't understand people.

I have a feeling that IxFx types are the most prone to getting bullied or harassed at work. INTPs may also be harassed.

I might add by the way that the sliver lining in the cloud of my experience was that although I worked for a bully, I did not allow her to bully me - I was one of the ones who stood up to her and in my case eventually she backed down. One of her favourite tricks was to call one or other of us into her office at 5.20 (when we finished at 5.30) with some 'urgent' task that absolutely needed to be done before close of play that day. I always refused this unreasonable request and said that no I couldn't do it, I needed to leave on time that day (whether or not I did). She only tried this one three or four times with me before she got the picture. I got the impression that she didn't like it that I would not allow her to bully me but she did respect me for it.

My poor predecessor on the other hand used to get called into a one-on-one meeting every Friday afternoon when they would review all the mistakes she had made that week. I was so shocked to hear that this sort of thing was allowed to go on (coming as I had from a larger company with a proper HR department). Ultimately I suppose it comes down to the fact that you have to be the one to stand up for yourself, because nobody else will (as they say).

Sakura - I found the book on assertiveness "When I Say No, I Feel Guilty" by Manuel J. Smith to be very useful. It's a classic and can usually be picked up for next to nothing on Amazon. It's full of useful practical tips on how to stand up to people in an assertive way - I learned a lot from it.

Yes, bullies tend to be filled with hot air. It's all front--if you stand up to them and show enough strength, they deflate and look for someone weaker to attack. Unfortunately, 'weaker' sometimes translates to 'a person who values peaceful resolution, understanding and kindness enough not to defend themselves' or 'a person who has been taught to take the higher road'. This used to apply to me--but now I come out very strongly (albeit still respectfully) if someone I love is being bullied, or if I am being bullied myself. And it's amazing how quickly they back down.