i think as i'm growing older i'm feeling more hopeless and more of a failure to do anything successful. i feel like everyone doesn't like me, and think i'm a joke or foolish or irrational...

i try to study over the years psychology, self help, religious, etc to try to improve myself to be liked by people, but i find i'm withdrawing more and more and isolating myself more and more and many times would prefer to die.

as a child i was liked by everyone, i was like the sweetest kindest angel child quick to give and help everyone and always full of joy and smiling and laughing.

as a teenager, i went through sexual hell and alot of rapes, etc

still as a young adult up to my early 30's i was still fun and sweet and likeable by many people.

but from around the mid 30's upward, i started feeling like i gained more wisdom, knowledge and understanding of people's evil and selfish motives, and i grew more and more resentful to people, and now at 48 i'm not sure if i even like people anymore.

i love animals and nature, but liking people has become very hard for me, unless they are sweet and kind and genuine, not hypocritical, then it's easy for me to like them, but if they are not sweet, kind, genuine and non-hypocritical i don't like them. and these days it seems like it's hard to find sweet, kind, genuine and non-hypocritical people anymore.

i feel like i don't belong in this world, i'm sick of it.

any words of encouragement right now would be so greatly appreciated

thanks

Hello and welcome, misunderstood



If you're looking for sweet, kind, genuine people you may just have found the right place. I hope you feel very welcome here - please feel free to join in.

Hello misunderstood. I'm so sorry to hear about your teenage years. I understand that sense of disillusionment with people. It's hard to retain a rosy world view when you realise the deceit and hypocrisy of which some people are capable. Having said that, there is still a lot of good to focus on, and good people around... they can be harder to find though.

Please keep posting about your experiences if it will help you. And welcome.

Hi there misunderstood. I too have been through a lot of childhood/teenage sexual abuse/rapes. I think many people who've had such trauma growing up end up having feelings similar to what you describe. It's especially hard for us sensitive INFP folk. I don't blame you for not trusting people and feeling resentful towards them. I was thinking, these feelings of low self-worth and disliking most people are especially strong for me when I'm having a bout of depression. Do you think you might be suffering from depression or burn-out? Could you see your doctor? I have found medication has really helped lift the feelings for me. I guess if you've studied psychology you know the signs. Some people are of the opinion that therapy alone is the way without medication, but personally I think sometimes depression seems like a physical thing, and medication has helped to shift it for me. Also, things have picked up for me since taking B12 supplements - sometimes vitamin deficiencies can make you more prone to depression and similar things.
Sorry if I'm jumping to conclusions and I hope my suggestions don't offend or annoy you - I am only speaking from my own experience. I'm also quite open and direct about mental health issues and such, I don't talk around them...I hope that doesn't bother you or anyone else here.

I can relate to feeling like you don't belong in this world. I don't know how exactly to encourage you except to say that I've been at the point you are at - thinking death would be preferable - and when I'm like that it seems like nothing will ever get better. i forget everything good in life. But no matter what your mind is telling you - things can and do get better. The negative thoughts and depression etc tell you lies that go in circles. But it is possible to have good times and feel love for people again.

have you ever been to the pandora's aquarium website and forums? (http://www.pandys.org/) It's for people who've experienced sexual abuse/assault. I've found the site useful before.

Wishing you the best.....

Welcome to middle age.

While feelings are the bread butter of the INFP, it's a challenge to stay above them at times, but important not to identify too closely with or cling to ones that are not helpful. We can grasp a negative feeling like "i don't belong in this world, i'm sick of it" as if its a personal flotation device but it can only lead to feeling worse. And while I agree "it's hard to find sweet, kind, genuine and non-hypocritical people anymore." I don't agree you have "gained more wisdom, knowledge and understanding of people's evil and selfish motives". In fact you can rarely know what someone else's motives are, so I would suggest you challenge that belief and see if it stands up under scrutiny. Beliefs like that are also tempting to cling to, but will only result in going down the suck-hole of self-pity. Now I know that this doesn't sound like words of encouragement (yet), but as a long-time student of my own brain that has had (and still is drawn to) similar thoughts I am quite familiar with their negative effect. Yes indeed, some people suck, but it does us no good to think about that, it doesn't help us become happier people. The key to your happiness lies in you, not them.

Don't get me wrong, people suck and they are a real problem (damn all those sucky people!!), but you are the only solution. Unfortunately, we cant change other people-but would you really want to? That would mean they could change you too, and I don't think you'd like that. But we can change how we think, thereby changing how we feel in the process. Its voluntary too-nobody has to do it, they can stay miserable if they want to. When I got to about 40, I decided I didn't want to be miserable anymore. Not that misery doesn't try to come knocking all too frequently, but I only let it stick around for a little while before I evict it.

Things that have really helped me are

Feeling Good, a book by Dr David Burns-teaches ways to counteract maladaptive ways of thinking that lead to depression

Yoga-helps me relax, stay healthy physically, and thinking a good way. Many people skip the breathing practice, but it is very important and it comes in handy later.

I'm currently reading about and practicing "mindfulness". I'm still in the very beginning stages of it but because I had a step up with the breathing practice from yoga I have seen some benefits pretty quickly. It may work slower for someone without that background but it seems to hold a lot of promise.

Anyway many of the things you've said here are like textbook examples of thoughts/feelings/beliefs that can be readily helped by these things. So that the encouraging part-a determined person really can learn to get the upper hand, maybe not all the time but most of the time. Waiting for other people to transform into what you want them to be never works. Believe me I've tried.

What he (Not Cactus Ed) said.

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Fiction is just like real life, only truer.

Hey there Misunderstood. I'm 48 as well (when did THAT happen??) and the horrible looming 5 0 seems bigger and nastier than the eeebil 4 0. Some of the others have mentioned depression, and it certainly sounds like a strong possibility. I've struggled with the damned black dog of depression most of my life and I'd say that working on some breath meditation as Not Cactus Ed suggests may help. I've been using Cipramil as an anti-depressant for over five years, and, although it's not a 'happy pill', it certainly helps with keeping level and with sleep. You'd be foolish to take medical advice from anyone on the intarwebz, but having a chat with your GP couldn't hurt.
I've had guns in my mouth and pills in my hand, but thank God I've always realised that dying is the best way to make sure my life never gets better. One thing I practice daily is challenging my faulty thinking - I didn't make it this far by being a complete failure. Start to write down all the things you've overcome in the past. Don't worry about the failures, they can take care of themselves. Successes, on the other hand, need to be treasured and remembered. They then become ammunition against faulty thinking - you've done this before, so you can damn well do it again!

Good advice there, mykl_c...

I agree with 98% of your post, especially putting failures behind and remembering successes. But I am compelled by my back seat driver of a conscience to point out (in case it isn't known to some) that having a chat with your GP can indeed hurt. Not the chat itself, but the likely results, eg medication. Various unpleasant side effects are possible, ranging from dry mouth to suicide or a manic episode that results in a bipolar diagnosis and even more powerful medicines and side effects. It's an individual choice but definitely not risk free.

Not Cactus Ed - Indeed, but that has certainly not been my experience. I'd hope Misunderstood would have access to a decent GP, and that if that person suspected depression or some similar issue, that they would appropriately refer Misunderstood to a specialist.
I wouldn't claim that medication is a solution, but it can certainly help alongside other things, such as CBT and group therapy.

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It's hard to retain a rosy world view when you realise the deceit and hypocrisy of which some people are capable. Having said that, there is still a lot of good to focus on, and good people around...
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