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Board index » Conversations » 1800-INFP: Questions and advice line




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 Post subject: How do you take criticism?
 Post Posted: Mon Apr 12, 2010 8:41 pm 
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Pleasantly aromatic
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I am not really good at taking criticism. I've heard that this is a general tendency among INFP types. Have any of you gotten good about taking a negative critique in your stride? If so how do you do it? I can't a critique without have a minor meltdown. :(

_________________
Joy, beautiful spark of divinity*
Daughter of Elysium,
We enter, drunk with fire,
Into your sanctuary, heavenly (daughter)!
Your magic reunites
What custom strictly divided.
All men become brothers,
Where your gentle wing rests -Ode to Joy


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 Post subject: Re: How do you take criticism?
 Post Posted: Mon Apr 12, 2010 9:03 pm 
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Doughy deliciousness
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It depends on the type of criticism.

If it is constructive criticism that is directed at my work, say my Uni assignments or something similar, then I can take it on board and appreciate it. If it is constructive criticism aimed at myself, I may get a bit ruffled, depending on how personal it is. If it is a personal attack, or something which seems insulting or very very personal, then I can become quite shocked, and then actually very anxious about it. I mean, if it is online, then it could have been a misunderstanding, thus whilst I may take it personally, it may not have been intended as an attack, and I will try to work out if it was an misunderstanding at all. I tend to remain very anxious and wary of conflict until the misunderstanding is resolved though, bordering on lunacy most of the time.

If it WAS an intended personal attack, then well.. I get over emotional and react really strongly.. A meltdown, as you put it :)

What kind of criticism is it that bothers you? Is it comments aimed at something you do or have created, like your work, or is it more personal, like the way you look or behave? Can you shrug off minor comments, or is it things which seem like personal attacks?

_________________
~I'll think of a witty comment later, or not. Maybe something to do with clouds?!~


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 Post subject: Re: How do you take criticism?
 Post Posted: Mon Apr 12, 2010 11:11 pm 
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Grand high Poobah
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Impersonal criticism often annoys me (What, you think my work is imperfect? Screw you!) before I calm down and Te it until it makes sense to me. Personal criticism can eat away at me if said unkindly by somebody I trust. I usually don't believe I've heard it correctly, and will often 'lose the moment' while I try to figure out alternative explanations for why they might have said something hurtful. Really, I should just respond straight away with - "Hey, that wasn't cool. I feel insulted!"

I also HATE personal digs that are disguised as jokes. It leaves very little opportunity for response without looking like a spoil sport, but I'm getting to a stage in my life where I don't care about looking like a spoil sport and would prefer to just not deal with the emotional pain of being insulted. So I'm just going to tag myself 'oversensitive spoilsport' and be much happier with it. :)


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 Post subject: Re: How do you take criticism?
 Post Posted: Tue Apr 13, 2010 5:03 am 
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I think it depends...

If someone I didn't know very well were to come up to me and criticize me, I'd probably get upset, especially if it were in a non-constructive way. But if a good friend were to do the same, I would be taken aback a bit, maybe even angry at the friend for a while, but I'd be less likely to totally freak out, and much more likely to take the criticism into consideration.
I also will take criticism better if it is given privately. I had a Spanish teacher, who would take my paper from me and, in front of the class, start talking about how "Messy" it was. I'd leave that class at least once a week, crying. I think if she had asked to see me after class, and had told me she had a problem with the neatness papers, I would have still been upset, but also a whole lot less childish,

Also, I tend to take criticisms on myself easier than criticism on things I've done because I'm just me, but something I've spent time and effort on is a bit different.


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 Post subject: Re: How do you take criticism?
 Post Posted: Tue Apr 13, 2010 9:33 am 
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The powers that be
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Both constructive and non-constructive criticism tends to give my self-confidence a bit of a knock, so I usually respond to it first with indignation (much like sciski said: "Not perfect? Moi? How very dare you?!"), then after that passes I usually go and mull/brood/sulk over things for a while, and then either take the person's advice on board or discard it, depending on what value I deem it to have.

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 Post subject: Re: How do you take criticism?
 Post Posted: Tue Apr 13, 2010 11:38 am 
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Grand high Poobah
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Yes, that feeling of being taken aback, or 'knocked' describes it well.

Box, I can't believe your Spanish teacher thought that was an effective way to deliver criticism.. especially after the first time she upset you!


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 Post subject: Re: How do you take criticism?
 Post Posted: Tue Apr 13, 2010 12:23 pm 
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Maybe the Spanish teacher thought it wouldn't effect Box as much as it did? Some people don't seem to understand that not everyone can handle criticism within the same way as they do, and perhaps lack the tact needed.

I understand that feeling of being 'knocked' as well. As with my recent fallout at Uni with someone I trusted well, I was so stunned by it, I didn't know how to react. I've more or less trained myself to leave things alone until I can think about it without reacting emotionally, but this hesitation starts turning into a fear of confrontation and conflict, which can then lead to further accusations of cowardliness. Can't really win, huh :shock:

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 Post subject: Re: How do you take criticism?
 Post Posted: Wed Apr 14, 2010 3:29 pm 
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I'm fairly sure the Spanish teacher's behaviour would count as bullying. If you were my child Box and had reported this to me, the Spanish teacher would have found herself having a meeting with an INFP whose core values had been violated. I think she'd probably remember the meeting :)


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 Post subject: Re: How do you take criticism?
 Post Posted: Wed Apr 14, 2010 10:29 pm 
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Criticism has a deep impact on me. If you criticize me, first of all, I will remember it years later as clear as a bell. Second, if I agree with what you say, I will put forth a big effort to change things. If it's someone I especially care about and I've displeased them, that hurts alot. If I don't agree with the criticism I'll probably remain calm. Defensive and hypervigilant but calm.

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 Post subject: Re: How do you take criticism?
 Post Posted: Thu Apr 15, 2010 2:00 am 
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Don't cry, Box. That lady shouldn't be teaching. (Try to get her fired! It almost happened to a teacher in my school--)

My friend has pointed out to me that I seem to take even positive feedback in a negative way, and then dwell on it. Somehow I think being an only child, my parents complimented me too much as a kid and I never learned to accept criticism. I'm trying to convince myself that neither that fact nor personality type is an excuse.

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 Post subject: Re: How do you take criticism?
 Post Posted: Sun Jul 03, 2011 1:59 am 
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Pleasantly aromatic
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criticism. Well i've learned to appreciate it somewhat. I still even hate constructive criticism. But i don't actually go mad or become sad over it. It may dampen my enthusiasm but i always see it as something to build apon and improve.
But one thing for certain is that i will remember it. I hate it when it constantly runs in your head. Every now and then for the rest of that day or week. Its important but sometimes you have to just put on an emotionless face and take the info in. When you 'fix it', you begin to forget about it.
One thing that i've learned is when you're making something, ask for someone to check it before you do too much. Because i hate it when you spend ages doing something and then someone picks out tons of problems. Its better for someone to correct your work when its not fully finished and do that in small stages.

But i do happen to like the opposite of that. Appreciation. Its good but sometimes i feel like a dickhead when someone constantly publicy states my 'glorious achievement'. But i happen to hate appreciation when i didnt actually do anything. Like when you get certificate for effort at school. And all i do is just put my head down and write some stuff down and then draw for the rest of the lesson and i get commended for my excellent effort.


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 Post subject: Re: How do you take criticism?
 Post Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2011 2:06 pm 
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I guess I lack this grounded security in my self, I doubt my worth whenever someone questions my abilities or motives.

It is hard to overcome, I've been fighting my whole life against this.

_________________
Is the cup half-full or half-empty? Neither, the cup is the rightful domain of air,
and water are the imperialistic invader that must be fought by all means neccesary.
Drink it.


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 Post subject: Re: How do you take criticism?
 Post Posted: Wed May 09, 2012 1:27 pm 
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Oh I take it bad

I have starting telling future employers this is a very important aspect for me: not to give me criticism.

I only accept criticism from my boyfriend who tells me things in a delicate way and who I know loves me and doesn't say anything to hurt me.

I've also noticed that if I am sure what I did was good then criticism doesn't upset me that much. So I guess it's because the sense of failed competence we have.


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