Anybody here who was stuck for years and years in a job you weren't happy with, and was able to bolt from it? Please share how you did it. What made you take that leap? This is one of the issues affecting a lot of people and I'm really interested in knowing how the brave ones did it.

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Get your man

Well, without wishing to state the obvious, the usual way to do it is look around for another job, apply, go through the interview process, obtain and accept an offer and then hand in your notice.

Do you have a job you are looking to leave rodav120? What is it about the job that makes you unhappy?

I was in a job that originally began very well (actually, whenever I told people what my job was, the response was always "Wow, that must be so fun/awesome!"... and it was, once upon a time). Gradually it morphed into a morale-killing battlefield where petty political wars were waged day by day, mostly due to a lack of coherent leadership (actually any leadership at all) from our director.

Like Alchemiss, mine was a husband-mediated exit. He found a year-long job in another country, one which paid so well that I could afford to not work for the entire time if I chose. We applied for leave without pay at my job, left it up to the fates to decide, and leave wasn't granted. My resignation was in the mail within the next 5 minutes and it felt GOOD.

I'm not sure if I would have taken the concrete steps to move if life hadn't intervened (the job/pay security was what was holding me), but it's definitely worth it to leave if you examine your current situation and find that your job has:
- few prospects of anything better (ie going up the ladder will only lead to more stress and grief),
- few prospects at all (virtually no chance of going up the ladder), or
- is just killing your spirit day by day.
The problem with the last bit is that if you stay too long, your spirit will be so dead and numb that it's hard to muster the energy to care that it's dead and numb... which means you are even less inclined to move.

So if you really do intend to leave, but cannot take that first/final step yourself, I'd advocate taking on an external motivator, like a trusted friend who will help you search for a new job (while you are still receiving income from the old one), encourage you to apply for other jobs that would suit you, and be prepared to sit and listen to you talk through what's holding you there until you're good and sick of it yourself and are ready to move on.

buying a sweet new suit for interviewing is a good idea. but maybe that's just me.

i have a book about interviewing that i've kept for years. it's a great confidence booster knowing i'm prepared to make the jump.

LEAVE! you'll be so glad you did. you'll also see that it wasn't as hard as you thought it would be.

Hmm, I just reread my earlier comment and it seems a little grumpy to me - apologies rodav if it came across that way to you too.

In my case my last two jobs both ended in redundancy, so I hadn't yet got to the 'hating the job and planning my exit strategy' stage. However, I did spend a short time unemployed after both redundancies, and during one of those periods I found an excellent book, 'Great Answers To Tough Interview Questions' by Martin John Yate:

(Amazon link - click here)

One of the things I realised when reading this book was that my CV/resume formatting was hopelessly out of date and came across as a bit nineties (I had been in my main job for almost ten years and started there in 1999, so no wonder). A little cutting and pasting later, along with a change of font (Calibri! It's so now!)and a summary paragraph at the top, the whole thing looked like it had had a facelift and felt so much more dynamic and purposeful. I'm fairly sure that it's a total coincidence but literally the very next day after I had uploaded the new version onto a couple of online sites, the ad for my current (wonderful) job was placed and I immediately applied with my lovely new contemporary CV and got the position.

The book is mainly not about CVs and more about jobseeking and interview skills and I would recommend it very highly. I have to admit that I (perhaps arrogantly?) thought I knew what I was doing when it came to the whole jobseeking thing and I was quite humbled to discover how much I didn't know - and quite how much changes with the times; learning how to write a good CV in, say, 1991 does not necessarily mean that you can keep churning out exactly the same thing twenty years later without it looking dated.

I also agree with brightyellow that it really isn't as hard as you think it's going to be

Hi Pipster,

Hi Pipster, I actually I left my job and I have no interest in looking for another one. I just want to know if others were able to do it sooner because it took me so long to take the leap and I felt I've wasted a lot of years there. Why wasn't I able to do it sooner? Because I regret so much I didn't. Now, I sort of blame myself.

I agree Alchemiss the moment leading to the crucial decision was tortuous for me. But, I'm beginning to feel the pay-off now.

How right you are sciski. I fell in your last category, the spirit getting numb. I'm glad I still had the strength to take the leap

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Get your man

That 'why didn't I leave earlier' feeling can be hard to deal with... Did you manage to get much out of it though, such as friendship (or even acquaintanceship) or some useful skills you can spin into your CV should you later wish to look for another job?

I'm glad you had the strength to make the leap too. I hope you're enjoying your freedom for now.

Right, sciski it's that 'why I didn't leave earlier' feeling. But, I'm enjoying my freedom now. I just bear in mind the thought that I wouldn't want to look back when I'm old and ask 'what could have been'. Thanks.

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Get your man

'why I didn't leave earlier' this thing you feel now and not before because before that job was enjoyable for you than the previous job. Ok whatever but now as you left the job then try to find out the best job according to your interest and also atmoshphere should nice. So you can enjoy the work. And it is nice thing that from now you would not look back.

haha, i just quit my job. it was spur-of-the-moment. i walked into the manager's office, left a note saying, "I quit, Love Caleb", got my stuff, and left. it felt great, even though everyone thinks i'm an idiot. harrowing jobs can take over your life, and yeah -- what's the point of all that vacation time when you have no energy to enjoy it?

on to get the teaching certificate!

Congratulations karuna/Caleb, and good luck with the teaching certificate.

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What would the world be, once bereft
Of wet and of wildness? Let them be left,
O let them be left, wildness and wet;
Long live the weeds and the wilderness yet. - Gerard Manley Hopkins

Similar to you, Karuna, I just stood up in the middle of a meeting and walked out... mostly because the job had literally broken me as a human being. I had been there for three months and I was waking up screaming from stress a couple nights a week. Now I'm unemployed, and trying to figure myself out...

On a similar note, I'm currently in the process of either dropping out of university to go to culinary school, or switching my major to something that I won't be miserable with. My teacher education classes are all so dull, and to think I will have to spend the rest of my life planning lessons to standards and being nice to grumpy parents makes my stomach hurt.

I really do want to take the leap for culinary school, or at least go to the culinary/pastry program at the community college down the street from my university. Unfortunately, I doubt my parents would be too thrilled ... I suggested I go into anthropology instead, but they refused to let me. (There is also the problem that I am very very queer, both gender and sexuality wise, and my parents are very conservative, and will most definitely disprove of this. So I expect to be disowned within the year, since I can't keep up the act of being a cisgender straight chick much longer... I give myself 4-8 months before I can no longer handle it. Thus worrying about them might be worthless. So I try to shift my worry to: "How will I afford to stay in school with little outside help?")

One idea is that I take Nutrition at university until I am actually disowned, and then once I can't afford it on my own, go down the street to the community college and get two AA degrees in Pastry and Culinary Arts. and if by some luck I can get into and afford a real art school in the Bay Area (as I don't want to move again) go there and get my Bachelors. Though, I'm not really sure what I would do with degrees in Culinary Arts and Pastry... I just know that the time I spend creating my own recipes for dinner, and baking pies and cakes for my friends are some of my happiest. I suppose that's something good to base your life off of.

Box, is there any chance you could get some work experience in the culinary industry before you drop your teaching degree? That way you can get a good idea what it's like to work in food for a living (though 'working in food' sounds pretty damned good!) vs as a hobby. I'm wondering if you don't have much longer to go, whether having a degree in education could lead to a blending of your love of cooking and teaching so that you can teach adult classes (where presumably the adults are not too grumpy and are better behaved than most children), a bit like Evenstar.

I really, really hope your parents can accept who you are, though it's wise of you to factor in that they may not support you.


Evenstar, your story sounds almost like it belongs on a movie set.

There's always the "Home cooking for profit" route. I had a little hunt around on Amazon and found this book on the subject (which currently has an average review score of 4.8 out of 5, so hopefully that means the author knows what they're talking about).

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What would the world be, once bereft
Of wet and of wildness? Let them be left,
O let them be left, wildness and wet;
Long live the weeds and the wilderness yet. - Gerard Manley Hopkins

Sounds like a good rational plan to me. Sciski's suggestion is also sound advice. DC's suggestion sounds like a good way to get your feet wet in the industry as well.

Everybody needs to eat at all times, so being in the food business is really a good idea if you want to be in an industry that won't fade away. It does take a lot of discipline and constancy, though, besides creativity. Nutrition is a nice middle ground - almost every institution needs a nutritionist to plan menus. You can go places with a degree in food.

A mix of your interests is possible - for instance, teaching youngsters/adults how to cook and bake during breaks. I know an ISFP lady who made a career out of that. Not only will you enrich your soul and spirit by following your heart - you'll also enrich the lives of others with good food - which is always a consolation - and the joy of cooking for oneself and loved ones. It's also possible to mix anthropology, cooking and teaching by learning about the food rituals of different cultures and sub-cultures and publishing your research in creative ways - remember, you have writing skills!!

Also, I doubt your parents would rigidly object to supporting you if they tasted how good your cooking's getting. If they're all that worried about your financial future if you were to take up Anthropology, then it would be good to show them that you're prepared to venture into the business side of food as well even if it's just see how far it takes you for the time being. Just keep on communicating with them, and don't ever think your situation is too difficult to sort out with them. Once they see that your passions are coming from enlightened self-interest and are tempered by pragmatism, they'll worry less about you and be less on the defensive when imposing impossibly rigid standards.

Feed your spiritual core. Follow your heart in determining your life's work. You will derive all your adult strengths and abilities from it.

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