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 Post subject: Calling people by name
 Post Posted: Sat Jan 30, 2010 6:25 pm 
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Many people have told me that I never address them by name-- I just start talking. I've been noticing how rarely I say a person's name in a conversation, even in the very beginning. It just feels weird to say a name-- a little embarrassing in a way, as if the name is too powerful or something for me to utter aloud.

How about you?

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 Post subject: Re: Calling people by name
 Post Posted: Sat Jan 30, 2010 6:52 pm 
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Definitely so, calling someone by their name seems an awfully personal thing to do, and as it takes me a long time to warm up and open up to people then especially when I'm still getting to know them it just seems like an over-familiarity to be throwing their name around in conversation like that.

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 Post subject: Re: Calling people by name
 Post Posted: Sat Jan 30, 2010 11:40 pm 
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Yeah I don't call people by name very often either. The people that I feel comfortable adressing by name, I usually give a million cutsey nicknames to and use those instead. Apparantly people warm to you more if you use their names though. It's one of those 'how to make friends' tips.

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 Post subject: Re: Calling people by name
 Post Posted: Sun Jan 31, 2010 12:46 am 
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I never call people by name. But if I have a nickname for them I'll always greet/address them with it.

I've always had trouble remembering names, so sometimes I won't say it because I forgot it >.>;;;.
(It took me MONTHS to get the name of my best friend down xD)


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 Post subject: Re: Calling people by name
 Post Posted: Sun Jan 31, 2010 1:37 am 
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Iolanthe wrote:
The people that I feel comfortable adressing by name, I usually give a million cutsey nicknames to and use those instead.

I'm the same way, except I use last names instead of nicknames. Last names have such an ambiguity of formality to them that's very convenient.

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 Post subject: Re: Calling people by name
 Post Posted: Sun Jan 31, 2010 11:46 am 
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I like to greet people by name in theory, but in reality, because people often take me by surprise, I find myself scrambling to find their name in my brain catalogue. Hence I end up just saying a "Hi, how're you doing" instead of "Hi Russell" as I would prefer to do. Three seconds after I've greeted them, their name will magically appear in my mind when it's too late to say it. :headsmack:

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 Post subject: Re: Calling people by name
 Post Posted: Sun Jan 31, 2010 2:12 pm 
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I tend not to use a name when I don't like/am indifferent to someone. I use names more with people I am comfortable with. Not a hard and fast rule though...

Does anyone else get confused when you are in a group and people use different names for the same person? eg Mr Brown, John, 'Brownie' and 'oi! JB!' ...leading to the question: 'what do I call you?'

I'm an INFP, get me out of here!


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 Post subject: Re: Calling people by name
 Post Posted: Sun Jun 13, 2010 1:07 pm 
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Bit of an older topic, but I'd just like to say how true this seems to be of me, as well!

I don't know why it is. It almost feels like names carry with them so much power, and if you say them without a good reason, capturing that person's whole attention... I don't know. It's strange. It's hard to put a finger on it. My memory is almost never the problem, as even if I see someone I haven't met for ages, their name usually comes straight to mind when I recognise their faces.

The only exception would be in the company of close friends, as I don't seem to mind calling them by their names at all. Also, in group situations where you are essentially forced to use peoples' names as it would be far too confusing not to.

I wonder why this is?

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 Post subject: Re: Calling people by name
 Post Posted: Mon Jun 14, 2010 6:35 am 
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Hmm yeah, in my head I am saying their name, but all that actually comes out is "Hey".

Sometimes I think I had actually said their name, but no, I hadn't.....


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 Post subject: Re: Calling people by name
 Post Posted: Mon Jun 14, 2010 2:20 pm 
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I totally agree on the power thing - I don't say people's names much when I talk to them and this must stand out as being unusual because people have commented on it (ie. wanted me to say their name to them more often).

When I am in a situation where I often have to use a person's name, the most obvious one being at work, using somebody's name in order to get their attention, I feel like I am somehow cheating and that I will one day get a tap on the shoulder and be pulled up for a quiet word about overuse of such a powerful thing.

We're a funny lot sometimes innit :)


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 Post subject: Re: Calling people by name
 Post Posted: Mon Jun 14, 2010 7:32 pm 
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since i'm bad with names, it helps me to repeat them at least once right after i learn them. using names hasn't been a problem for me. eye contact has been my difficulty but i solved that by looking at noses.


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 Post subject: Re: Calling people by name
 Post Posted: Sun Jul 04, 2010 10:38 pm 
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I actually really love saying people's names when I'm talking to them. I like to personalize. I think I'm wary of going overboard, though, because I'm very conscious of how frequently I say a person's name in a conversation. I keep count inside my head, almost.

On the other hand, when I really open up about something, especially something I'm torn over or confused about, I spout out so much so quickly and have so much going on inside my mind that I can sometimes forget I'm in a conversation. (And then, of course, I don't think to specifically address the person by their name.) This would seem insulting to most people, probably, but if a person can make me that comfortable with them that I forget I'm spilling out all of my thoughts, they should probably be pretty pleased with themselves. I still wish I didn't do this, though, because it seems a bit egocentric.

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 Post subject: Re: Calling people by name
 Post Posted: Mon Jul 05, 2010 11:51 am 
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under skies wrote:
On the other hand, when I really open up about something, especially something I'm torn over or confused about, I spout out so much so quickly and have so much going on inside my mind that I can sometimes forget I'm in a conversation. (And then, of course, I don't think to specifically address the person by their name.) This would seem insulting to most people, probably, but if a person can make me that comfortable with them that I forget I'm spilling out all of my thoughts, they should probably be pretty pleased with themselves. I still wish I didn't do this, though, because it seems a bit egocentric.

I can completely relate to you on that one! I'm sometimes a little self-conscious about that, when it occurs, but I generally try to restrict such expressions to people who I believe will appreciate or value their content. Well, not all the time, but y'know. I'd say as long as you maintain some modicum of awareness and it doesn't seem like you're making the other person uncomfortable, try not to worry too much. I also find that slackening the valve little and often can prevent a massive build up, and when used tactfully, can inject a little food for thought into an otherwise dull atmosphere :P

I still rarely use names on a one-to-one basis, though. I'm a little mindful of appearing rude, though, so I'm slightly better than I was. Still feels awkward, but hey.

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 Post subject: Re: Calling people by name
 Post Posted: Sat Jul 17, 2010 8:00 pm 
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I don't have a problem calling people by their name unless they have the same name as me...then I call them by their last name. I don't particularly like my name (Ray) but I like it less when someone else has it. Go figure.

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 Post subject: Re: Calling people by name
 Post Posted: Sat Jul 24, 2010 4:17 pm 
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Hah, yesterday I talked to this guy for three hours, and I still don't know his name :p

I feel like a salesman if I use other people's name to often.

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 Post subject: Re: Calling people by name
 Post Posted: Mon Oct 18, 2010 1:18 am 
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DefectiveCreative wrote:
Definitely so, calling someone by their name seems an awfully personal thing to do, and as it takes me a long time to warm up and open up to people then especially when I'm still getting to know them it just seems like an over-familiarity to be throwing their name around in conversation like that.

Exactly this. It especially bothers me when people like sales clerks or customer service reps call me by name, I get really offended. It's just too personal to have someone tossing around my first name like we've known each other for years. I feel like this is becoming increasingly common too. I know that a lot of corporations in the US actually require their employees to address their customers by their first names, and I think it's a really bad and personally offensive tactic.


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 Post subject: Re: Calling people by name
 Post Posted: Mon Oct 18, 2010 4:56 pm 
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bromide wrote:
I know that a lot of corporations in the US actually require their employees to address their customers by their first names, and I think it's a really bad and personally offensive tactic.


First names are a definite turn-off for me too, given the same context/situation, but if they were to address me as Miss My-Family-Name, I'd feel much more respected. I was a bit surprised at being called by my first name for the first time when I worked with a Canadian company.

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 Post subject: Re: Calling people by name
 Post Posted: Fri Oct 22, 2010 9:40 pm 
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Oh my gosh, yes. I never call people by name, and I hate it. I know that it makes people feel good to hear their own name, and it's just generally a socially correct thing to do, but I can't bring myself to do it. Especially when everyone around me says "Hi Alex!" and I just say "Hey!" as if I don't know them. But names just feel wrong in my mouth. I feel like if I said their name, it would sound strange and they would find out that I'm an outsider. This is totally unfounded; I know that I don't say names "incorrectly" (whatever that means) but I just feel like it. My F is showing.


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 Post subject: Re: Calling people by name
 Post Posted: Sat Oct 23, 2010 11:59 am 
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I agree with both bromide and Alex, if this is not too contradictory... or even if it is :-D


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